Person of the Week Archive

The Person of The Week Archive

Look!  It's *new and improved*.  This page shouldn't take too long to load now that I took all the pictures off.  Everything is a link.  Click on the LINK to see the picture.  Get it?  It's like a surprise.  It's like that game that toddlers play with where they press a button and a little thingy pops out of a thingy and umm yes..

CLICK THE LINK.  Get it?  Does it make sense?  Oof.

Where'd that parked backhoe come from?
Thank god I was wearing my seatbelt.

Stop! I have SARS!
Found Art #1

Pretty Liberace to Brighten Your Day
Fun With Vector Graphics.

Googly Eyed Scary Guy With Jose
Check out the nose hair.

This One Time I Put A Life-Sized Foam Deer On Wheels
and the police did not approve

My face is Laroquetty-meaty MMM
Sweet Dreams are made of Three's Company reruns

Are you my mother?

Would You Be Friends With This Man?
Or would you just carelessly pump and run?

*rape* *rape* *rape* *rape*
Angry Santa lives in Springfield, Illinois, with Martyn Gnome Rocket Ship.

Bill O'Reilly

Aquired by Martyn on I-74.

I hope you're happy.
Just look at what you've done to that carpet.

Just take a moment to think about this.
My Ass, or My Ass?

You Seem To Have Soiled Yourself.
Maybe this will help?

Excuse me, doctor.
I managed to accidentally slip and fall right on this shampoo bottle that is sticking out of my ass.

Do we have enough fucking flags?
No, no we do not.

Why don't you take a picture of my ass.
Ass? What ass? I don't see an ass, maybe you can POINT IT OUT TO ME?

I-80 Rest Stop Party
Just a friendly reminder from the Illinois Department of Transportation.

Bad Kitty
I told you not to visit third world countries.

For those kinky vocabulary people...

Hey there.  Are your parents around?

Hey there.  Do you mind turning around for me?  <grin>
A link to MY ASS .

You know you want me.

Who's Got A Fuzzy Tummy?
"For science, that's what I'll say, for science, it'll be okay!"
-Dr. Suess... Maybe.

This One Time
I drove around and Jonny took pictures of the Bastard Bank of Homewood.
  And then I took a picture of a guy with a blue goatee.

Recent Scientific Breakthrough
Genetically-altered birds now utilize wheels.

This is just WRONG.
I'm bleeding all over the keyboard so I should probably stop stapling myself.

Apparently you'll be needing this.
Once I was walking through a mall in St. Louis and some Jesus Clown gave this to me.

Yeah baby.

Stabbity stab stab.
I wonder if I put on deodorant today.

I just opened it up, and there he was.
There's nothing like a downy-fresh Richard Simmons curled up in your dryer.

Just ten minutes ago, I defecated on my boss's porch.
This cheese is on sale.

Now where did I put that potted plant?
This Japanese Businessman has no home. Wait. Stop right there. IS THIS SOME SORT OF A JOKE?

Picture provided by the good folks at

God Falls From Sky
Seven people killed. All of them wearing mittens.

Armless Marmoset Fetus
That's right, folks, only $30 a month can feed this guy AND put him through four years of schooling at Harvard.

This is a cosmopolitan parasite of horses and can cause intense perianal itching.
Horses have been known to rub against fence posts, file cabinets, fax machines, Japanese Business Men, and even barbed wire to relieve this itching.

Update (9/7/00):  This man is now dead.  
Visit this: Tiger John Died Over The Weekend!

Your Very Own Poseable Honkey-Crack-Whore Doll.
And you thought these were just ice-cream cones..   Little did you know that they are really my detachable OVARIES!

Shield Yourself.
From those prying eyes of God.

In Lite Syrup

Sadomasochist Lawn Seed.
Tolerates traffic AND punishment.

Feed The Refugee Children. - I swear, I didn't do it..okay..maybe I did..

Take That, Bush, You Conservative!
I spend 8 hours downloading a $400 graphics program, and this is what I do..

Robot Crotch.
This Here's Me Robot Crotch!  *caress*


Pissed off Elf
How far can he lodge his curly, bell-topped shoe up your butt ?

Page 3 of Powermac Manual:
How to Hold the Mac.

I don't know. There just seems to be something wrong with this.

Communist Microwave.
If not properly stabbed with a fork, Karl Marx's head
will explode all over the inside of the microwave.

Happy Happy Happy!
I wonder how much hate mail I'm gonna get for THIS..
Good job on the eye shadow, Marty.

"Hi, I'd Like You To Stab Me In The Eye."
"Ooooohhh...My Spleen!"

Quick, hide the silverwear!
He just keeps staring stupidly at me.  And he won't stop.

I'm Sinking or something..
Yes.  Very much so.

Happy Macintosh Guy.
Now BOW.

The Return of Llama-Spleenhead Boy
Ooh!  This time I'm constipated and have a tuning fork growing out of my head!

Llama-Spleenhead Boy.
Ooh..they're injecting Llama spleens into my head again!

I've been overusing this Reno head, haven't I.  Hum.  2 Parts Flour, 1 Part Bigfatrenohead.

All Hail The Mighty Reno!
Bow!  Bow to the allmighty giant floating head of the Attourney General!  Waco!  Waco!  Waco!

David Letterman's floating decapitated head is about to be eaten by a horse. Hmm..

Can - O - Tesh
Yes, that's's John Tesh in a can..

Late Night with Billy Corgan.
Could it be?  It is!  Billy Corgan interviewing Yanni's head!  Whee!

Al Roker.
Al Roker has Doppler.  And Doppler is good.

The Cool Korean Guy!
Yes! Don't you just want to take this guy home with you?

And last, but not least...

Burning Hanson!
Sorry to everyone who loves them..I'm sick of their over-commericialized crappy songs. Face it. They're annoying.