This is the static content from the original Spam Headwound, created when I was 13. Since I was 13-17 when I wrote most of this stuff, please kindly forgive me in advance for any offense which may be taken. Or something.

Fest

I Swell When I Become Emotion
Lets Go Donkey Shopping!
Abandoned Manteno Psychiatric Hospital Pictures
I Am Dee Celine Dion
Learn 2 Dance, Bitch.
The Credits Page
Why don't you take a picture of my ass? By Martyn.
Dead Child at Play. By Martyn.
The Tim Ross Satan Farm
Centre for Incontinence
Mulva's Firearm Emporium & Ice Cream
Mama Sita Dance Party
Bouncy Jesus Bimpy Foo
Uncle Helga Elf Products
Al Gore. Yum. I AM AOL!
Oooh! Meine Augen!
Uncle Biff University
The Bloated Llama
Temporary Gretchen Fix
Pat Sajak's Nervous Breakdown
Smell My Rat
System Requirements
Cheer Up, Ted Kaczynski
You Seem To Have Soiled Yourself
Person of the Week Archive
Cheese.

Writings

I Found a Corpse!
The Spam Page
To Kill A Mockingbird English Project (ack barf)
The Miseries of Gym Class
The Goat Closet
The Assume Page
Age-Gap Relationships Represented in Visual Culture

Rants

Sucks To The Ten Commandments
Nerd Faction 1
404 File Not Found

How-To

Cat Smearing 101
Puppy Torture
Froofy? Yes. Froofy.

Reviews

Marty's Fish Fest
Mister Pibbles Strikes Again
That One Scene in Resident Evil Where Blue Lasers Slice People Up